How I met Your Mother
by Astarpen
Summary: You're a dragon! A dragon. I like sleeping with a dragon. Oh god, PETA is going to start protesting outside my house! I mean when I was a kid my parents used to drag us to church and we heard it, the slippery slope argument. Well look like they were right! If a girl can be with a girl, why can't they be with a damn dragon?
1. Prologue

**A/N: Hello here's another opening chapter for another short story that has it's own little world, it's what it is. Enjoy it, review it, the entire 4 chapter short story is up on. But when Sucker for Pain is finished, I'll probably update this before IKWYDLS, probably. Highly likely. I dunno.**

 **Song: How I Met Your Mother (Really, it was named after the show then I found out that this was the title of a song, so you know, two birds one stone sort of thing). by Taking Back Sunday**

 **Summary: You're a dragon! A dragon. I like sleeping with a dragon. Oh god, PETA is going to start protesting outside my house! I mean when I was a kid my parents used to drag us to church and we heard it, the slippery slope argument. Well look like they were right! If a girl can be with a girl, why can't they be with a damn dragon?**

 **Disclaimer: I own nothing**

* * *

Charlie Reagan Fabray stared at the three monsters in front of her, and she couldn't help but briefly wonder what the _fuck_ she had done in a previous life to deserve this hell. Maybe she had killed a saint, that was the _only_ reason that this made sense. Except her life had ceased making sense years ago, why this would be any different was beyond her.

"HI!"

It takes her an embarrassingly long moment to blink and realize that one of the three monsters was talking to her and waving. She clears her throat and opens her mouth, but words don't come out. If she squinted these monsters looked eerily familiar. "Hi," she finally says after a moment, only to jump back when one of the monster opens his mouth and _belches_ loudly, a plume of smoke and a few sparks flying out of his month. " _No_."

"HI!"

Charlie grimaced, as a bright orange red viscous liquid started to drip from the nose of one of the other monsters, dropping onto the ground. Each drop would be followed by a sizzling sound and black smoke as it burned the hardwood floors. She immediately steps on it to make sure that her apartment doesn't burst into flames. She was never getting her security deposit back, which was the only reason she couldn't be bothered to move into a nicer apartment. "Hey—what are you three doing here? Shouldn't you be with your mother?"

One of the monsters shook her head and held up the scrunched up, charred piece of paper that was currently in her hand.

Charlie reluctantly accepts the piece of paper, glancing down at the messy figures. At first it looks like a garbled bunch of nonsense, but after a second her eyes adjust.

' _Out for a quick fly-by. Bond with our kids. Read them a story or something. 3 Santana.'_

Of course, Charlie sighs and looks at her _three_ children. She still wasn't quite sure how this had happened. The children bit, she wasn't sure how that had happened. She wasn't even quite sure if they were _hers_ to be honest, but there was no way that she could ask Santana that. "Uh—who wants to hear a story?" She asks lamely.

Almost immediately the three monsters perk up, and the one who handed her the paper grins at her, showing rather pointy teeth. "ME!"

A shiver ran down Charlie's spine as she stared at the monster in front of her. "Okay—uh let's get you on my couch—please don't burn it. I think the furniture people think I'm a pyromaniac and I really don't want to have to deal with them delivering more furniture." Charlie mumbles. They knew her by name now, and she was sure that she was singlehandedly keeping the store afloat. With how much furniture she bought they should have offered her a loyalty program or _something_. "So—uh what are your names again?" Charlie asks after a moment, her cheeks flushing red. If these were her kids she was a terrible mother.

"I'm Isabela, but everybody calls me Bela." One of the monsters looks up at her proudly. "That's Alex, and Aiden's the littlest."

"Am not." The smallest monster stomps his foot and Charlie's sure he scratches the hardwood in the process.

"Okay, okay. Let's not fight. I thought you—" She looks around and tries to think of the appropriate description but gives up after a beat, "—kids. I thought you kids wanted a story."

"YEAH!" Alex shouts loudly. Molten lava spewing from his mouth.

Charlie winced and jumped out of the way, just what she needed more third degree burns. She already had plenty. "Okay, go sit on the couch," She steps out of the way as the monsters go barrelling towards the couch. Now she just needed to think of a story. Cinderella was the one that lost the shoe, she was sure of it. She'd just tell them that. She pulls up a metal seat and sits it in front of the monsters, noting the tear marks in her furniture from where they had gripped onto it to pull themselves up. Maybe a leather sofa next time. It was probably not _as_ flammable.

"Stowwy!" Aiden shouts banging his fist against the sofa.

"Right—so uh this is the story about Cinderella. There was this evil step mom you know and she was very mean, and she had this magic mirror—"

"I wan a stowwy about _dwagons_!" Aiden interrupts.

"Yeah!" Alex nods and Bela puffs out her cheeks. "And monsters!"

"I don't want a scary story," Bela argues immediately.

Charlie stares at the three of them and bites her lip for a moment, she couldn't _afford_ a new couch. This one was definitely ruined just like her apartment was going to be if she didn't calm these hellions down. "I'm sure your _mom_ knows more dragon stories than I do. She knows more dragons." Charlie began finally. "But how about the story of how I met your mother? Your mom is the only dragon I know."

Bela sat down, a grin on her face. "Yeah!"

Charlie nodded, her gamble had worked. More importantly she could tell the kids the very important story about how she had met their mother and how Santana had totally ruined her life. "A few years ago, I woke up with a hangover from hell—"

"What's a hangover?" Bela asked interrupting.

Charlie blinked and stared at the monster in front of her. "It means that I wasn't feeling well," Charlie partially lies. She winces when Bela's pupils constrict for a moment, becoming vertical slits. It was at that moment that Charlie realized that Bela really was Santana's daughter. "I'm telling the truth, it's an adult thing that should never ever happen to you. But I woke up feeling ill."

"Mommy said lying is _bad_."

Charlie groaned, Santana wasn't even here and she was already making her life impossible. "Yeah, lying is bad. But there are some things you're just going to have to find out when you're older."

"But—"

"Do you want to hear the story or not?" Charlie asks holding up her hands and narrowing her eyes, already getting frustrated. She watches as Bela huffs when Alex smacks her on the arm.

"I do! Shush Bela!"

"You—"

Charlie cleared her throat loudly, it seemed to work. "Okay so where was I—oh right. It was a few years ago," Charlie began leaning forward in her chair so that she could engage with her children. She really did need to ask Santana for proof. She certainly didn't have the equipment to get a dragon pregnant, and she wasn't quite sure how Santana had even gotten pregnant to begin with. It was all one _giant_ headache as far as she was concerned.


	2. Chapter 01

Charlie groans as the light hits her eyes, her head throbbed and she wished the earth would just swallow her whole and let her die already. Sure, it might be a tad dramatic, but she was far too old to deal with hangovers. This was Quinn's fault, it had been her _stupid_ idea to go to some seedy little hole in the wall, because there was cheap booze. She couldn't even _remember_ most of last night and she had no idea how she had gotten home. "Thank god for Uber," she mumbled and rolled out of bed. Her legs buckle underneath her and she nearly pitches forward, the entire room spinning around her.

"Don't throw up, don't throw up," she mumbles under her breath in a mantra as she peels off her clothes and heads to her small bathroom, stepping into the shower. Maybe she should have another drink before work, hair of the dog or something. Though the thought of it causes her stomach to flip. "Yeah, bad idea." She needed to brush her teeth, her breath smelled like ass. And a cold shower before she dragged her sorry ass to work.

She stares at herself in the mirror as she begins to brush her teeth and winces at the dark circles under her eyes. She looked like _shit_. Maybe she could pass it off as a cold. Her boss was an idiot anyways. Plus he hated germs all she needed to do was cough a bit on him and she'd get sent home. She shivers at the cold water that hits her hand when she tests it. "Yep, next time Quinn comes up with a bright idea to drink ourselves silly, I'm just going to avoid her like the plague. Livers aren't meant to be all shriveled up and gross," she bitches under breath.

" _Fuck_." Charlie grumbles as the cold water hits her, causing her to shiver. It's a wake up call that she needs but it doesn't stop her from feeling miserable, it also doesn't help jog her memory. She couldn't remember the last time that she had been blackout drunk, and she was grateful that she hadn't done anything _stupid_. Finding a random stranger in her bed would have been the worst possible thing that could have happened to her. She was far to old to deal with the drama of having a one night stand. At least that's what she told herself, she was certainly old enough to know better. She steps out of the shower and grabs her fluffy towel drying herself off.

Hopefully, she had a bottle of Gatorade in the fridge and she had some aspirin laying around, it was a crappy breakfast but it would simply have to do. She heads back to her room, patting herself dry as she pulls out her least rumpled outfit. She winces at the clothes littering the floor and shakes her head, she'd deal with it later. At least they were _work_ clothes, and they smelt relatively clean. They looked clean too. She pulls them on quickly, hopping around as she pulls on her socks. She heads to the kitchen and grabs the bottle of Aspirin that's just sitting there and shakes the bottle, grinning when the sound of two tablets rattle around the container.

Maybe today wouldn't be as shitty as she thought it would. She opens her fridge, wincing at the smell of soured milk but reaches for the half-filled bottle of gatorade. Another thing that she'd have to get to eventually. "Work first, groceries before I come home." Charlie mumbled reaching for her phone to make a note. She grimaces fifteen missed calls. Another thing she'd have to sort through later. She's about to head out the door when she pats her pockets. "Keys. Wallet. Need those," she glances around her small one-bedroom apartment and notices them on the coffee table. She runs a hand through her hair, straightening it as best as she could before heading to her front door grabbing her work bag from where she had thrown it last night.

She trips over the threshold and steps out into the open hallway that lead straight out to the communal garden space. Cursing under her breath she turns to make sure that her door is locked, testing it once more before turning back around. "Didn't throw up, check. Managed to shower, and make myself look semi-presentable." She raises her arm and sniffs her shirt. "Passable." She sighed, she could hear her bed calling her name. Tempting her like the sirens of old. She turns around, and exhales deeply, "Okay. Time to go to—"

She freezes and blinks, expecting the enormous figure in front of her to disappear as part of some hangover-related hallucination. Instead, a sharp puff of air nearly knocks her back, blowing past her in a way that instantly tells here this must be real.

"Or a very vivid dream." Charlie counters to herself. This _can't_ be real, if only because she's staring into the orange beady eyes of a fucking _dragon_. Maybe it's a prank? A very _good_ prank because even from her spot on the second floor while the dragon towers over her, she can see the vivid detail of the scales that cover the dragon's body. "Maybe I had shrooms."

It really is the only explanation, and Charlie feels herself relax at the idea that she's just on a very good trip. That is at least better than the thought that she's gone batshit crazy. "Okay, cool. So a dragon." She steps forward, inspecting it a little closer.

The thing is _massive_. The black scales practically shine in the sunlight, and she can't help but reach forward to touch one. This was probably an alcohol induced dream, or someone had given her shrooms. It was probably Noah. She wasn't sure but this wasn't the worst vivid dream that she had ever had. It wasn't even the scariest. At least it wasn't until the dragon pulls back a bit and opens its mouth, a bright light appearing at the back of it's throat.

"Oh. Oh— _shit_!" Charlie swore immediately pulling back and closing her eyes. Her arms immediately moved to protect her face. Being burned alive was one of the _worst_ ways to go. She didn't want to be burnt alive, even if it was a dream! "Don't kill me! Don't kill me!" Even with her eyes closed, she could still see the blinding light. It felt warm, and comforting. It was an odd feeling given the fact that she was about to be burned to death.

"Oh good, you've washed yourself. My concubines shouldn't smell."

Concubine?

Charlie opened her eyes slowly, half expecting to see the dragon once more. But there leaning on the railing was a beautiful woman, with long black hair, horns and a long tail. It takes her a moment before she realizes that those orange yellow eyes are studying her carefully. Which is replaced by the fact that this _beautiful_ creature is _very naked_. Her eyes widen taking it in, and she swallows deeply.

"Uh, you're hot—I mean, _naked—_ I mean, fuck." Charlie flushes deeply and immediately pulls off her jacket and throws it around the shoulders of the _hot_ —sexy mindfuck in front of her. Immediately she looks around before yanking her inside.

~O~

Bela giggles at that, interrupting Charlie's train of thought. "Momma was nakie?"

"Very naked." Charlie nods. She eyes the children carefully, she wasn't exactly sure if they were hers or not, but she had to wonder if they were getting a proper education on what was _normal_ and what wasn't. "You need to wear clothes, they're important. You don't want people to stare at you and you don't want to get in trouble with the police."

"Police?" Alex repeats the word slowly.

"Yes, we have _rules_ and one of the rules is that you have to wear clothes when you're outside. The police make sure that people follow the rules." Charlie explains simply.

Bela leans against her arm, "What's a concubine?"

Charlie scratches her nose. What was appropriate to tell the little monsters? "Uh, a concubine is like a best friend."

Bela's pupils constricts and she frowns. "You're _lying_."

"I know. Ask your mother." Charlie clears her throat. "Now shall we get back to the story?" She shifts uncomfortably under Bela's harsh gaze before the monster nods at her.

~O~

If the woman— _Santana,_ Charlie learns from a half-hearted introduction—was sexy naked, which she _definitely_ was, she is even sexier wearing Charlie's clothes. It does something to Charlie and her stomach flips at the sight even though Santana looks uncomfortable. "I don't know why you insist on these garments." Santana's tail swishes back and forth behind her.

"You can't walk around _naked_." Charlie explains for the umpteenth time. "Is this some sort of you know _prank_?" She asks after a moment. This didn't _happen_ to people like her. It didn't happen at all. She swallows when Santana's eyes glow for a moment and she furrows her brow. "I—well—I mean—"

"You don't remember last night?"

"You mean last night when I apparently was as high as a kite? No. Not particularly." Charlie shifted uncomfortably, this woman— _thing_ —she wasn't sure what she was had piercing eyes, ones that seemed to stare right through her. "Uh—did we sleep together?"

"Sleep?" Santana tilts her head.

Charlie flushed, "You know—um have sex?"

Santana smirks. "Sex? That's adorable." She shakes her head. "I definitely chose well when I selected you as my concubine."

"Okay, can you just explain that? What do you mean your concubine?"

This time Santana leans forward entering Charlie's personal space, "It means you're _mine_. Don't worry I'll protect you. I'll keep you as safe as all my _treasure_ , and I have a lot of it. Maybe one day I'll let you see my horde."

Charlie stumbles backwards trying to escape the _crazy_ person. Why had she let her into the apartment? "Uh—right. I have to go to work now. I mean if we didn't have sex—I really can't let you stay—"

Santana didn't bother to reply or cut her off, instead she just simply stood up from where she had been sitting and immediately heads towards the lovely black leather couch and immediately falls face first in it. She curls up, her tail wrapping around her waist. It was certainly more comfortable than sleeping on her horde.

Charlie rubs her eyes tiredly. Maybe she should just go back to bed and sleeping it off. This was after all just an illusion of a dehydrated mind. One that would never touch another glass of alcohol. Besides if Santana was a dragon, which she still wasn't sure about, what were the police going to do about it? "Fine, you can stay for the day but you've got to go when I come back from work."

Santana hums in a non-committal response and Charlie decides not to press it. As a figment of Charlie's imagination, she didn't know why she was even bothering. She runs her hand through her hair and sighs, talking to herself. "Right. Okay. Cool." A dragon that turned into a human, this was a perfectly _normal_ dream, or drug induced hallucination. Maybe she was dead and this was hell. She gets up and grabs her bag again, she was already late for work. Hopefully she would sober up by the time she got back.

~O~

"Why you want mommy to go?"

Charlie tilts her head and stares at the smallest monster, she was sure his name was Aidan. "I didn't think your mother was real. I wasn't feeling well and I didn't think dragon's existed back then. I was wrong. I don't know everything."

"Mommy knows _everything_." Bela insists.

Charlie raised a brow, she could think of a million things that Santana _didn't_ know, but if her kids wanted to think that she was all knowing then so be it.

"Right, but your Mommy was also a stranger." Charlie reasons. "Your Mommy taught you about strangers, right?"

"Yep!" All three of them nod excitedly and it makes Charlie suspicious.

Most of her doesn't want to know, but she asks anyway, "What does your mom say about strangers?"

"Burn them with fire before they can steal your horde." Bela grins proudly.

"Right—" Charlie cringes. She had been right, she didn't want to know. "How about we get back to the story?"

"But why didn't you burn mommy with fire?" Alex asks after a moment frowning.

"Because I'm not a dragon," Charlie answers and shrugs. "I'm just a regular old human." She's rewarded with strange looks from the children, and she shifts uncomfortably. "What?"

"Abuela says that humans are _bad_." Alex insists, he leans in a bit and sniffs her and crinkles his nose. "She also said that humans smell funny."

"Do you think I smell funny?"

"Yeah."

"Oh," Charlie scratched her nose unsure what to say to that. "Do you think I'm bad?"

"You lie _a lot_ ," Bela answers narrowing her eyes at her.

Charlie picked up the paper that Santana had given her, "Your mother just told me to tell you a story, I realize that some of the story is way to _advanced_ for children your age. So, I embellished a bit." Charlie crosses her arms and stares at Bela, who was staring back at her. "Am I lying?"

Bela eyes her closely, scrunching her face as she looks for any deception. After a minute, she huffs out an annoyed breath. "No."

"So can I continue with the story then? You'll learn why your mother followed me home. Apparently I saved her life—or something." To this day she still couldn't actually _remember_ that night. Santana hadn't exactly been forthcoming with information.

Alex perks up, and nearly falls off the couch. "You save mommy?"

Charlie shrugged, "Yeah, that's why she followed me home and didn't you know burn me to a crisp." At least she was sure that's why Santana had followed her home. She wasn't quite sure why Santana had decided to move in and become the worst roommate _ever_.

~O~

Charlie fishes her keys out of her pocket, balancing her arm full of greasy takeout against the door. It had been a long day and after her crazy morning hallucinations, all she wanted to do was collapse in bed and sleep for a day.

She needed it.

Luckily whatever she had taken that caused _that_ trip had worn off and now all she wanted to do was drown herself in triple bacon cheeseburgers and chili cheese fries. She opens the door to her apartment and inhales deeply. "Home sweet—"

"You're _back_. What took you so long?"

Charlie stared, nearly dropping her groceries, as she stared at the _naked_ sexy woman in front of her. She had gotten rid of the clothes, which were currently in a pile, that looked like it had been shredded. It takes her another moment to realize that her apartment looks like it had been ransacked, with open drawers and a few broken dishes on the ground. She glances back at the woman, her eyes resting on the tail that was swinging around wildly. "Oh god, I've fried my brain. I can't believe that all those terrible specials about too much booze and drugs, were actually right."

Santana tilted her head looking at Charlie curiously for a moment. For a concubine, she clearly _wasn't_ that bright. But there was a smell that was coming from the bags that she was carrying. "You brought me food! I knew you'd make a good concubine." Santana hopped off the couch and swiped the bag.

"Huh? Oh god—don't talk to the sexy figment of your imagination Charlie," Charlie blinked. She _sounded_ bat-shit crazy. Maybe this was some sort of mental breakdown.

Humming and letting Charlie have her second freak out of the rather long day, Santana opens the bag and pulls out the food, and frowns as she stares at the burger. "You ruined perfectly good _meat_!"

Charlie flicked her eyes over to Santana for a moment, "A figment of my imagination that doesn't like chili cheese fries and burgers—what are you a vegan?"

Santana promptly ignored her, she was hungry. If Charlie wanted to eat burnt meat and weird looking stuff then so be it. She opens her mouth and stuffs the burger into her mouth and begins to chew. Her eyes widening at the taste that hits her taste buds. This tasted far better than humans did, or eating raw cows. She grabs the strange greasy bag, the cheese fries perhaps and empties that into her mouth, her jaw slamming shut as she begins to chew.

Charlie stares, what did normal people do in a situation like this. Dragons didn't exist. Weird naked women, who were far sexier than should be legal, didn't pay her the slightest bit of attention. They certainly didn't go around implying that she was their concubine. "Okay. Maybe the best way to deal with this is to—I don't know face it head on. Maybe this is some repressed memory shit—or I don't know," she mumbles to herself. She was half tempted to call Quinn or someone else to make sure that there was someone in the room with her. But right now she was terrified that there may not be. She studies Santana who was frowning at the paper bag, trying to see if there was any more food in it. "Why are you here?"

Santana flicks her eyes over to Charlie for a moment and dumps the empty bag in front of her. "I require much more food than that," she informs Charlie bluntly going back to sit on the comfortable couch. "I'm sure I informed you that you were selected to be my concubine."

Charlie rubbed her arm, she hadn't had much luck in girlfriends. Maybe her mind was telling her that sitting around and binging on Netflix, would not get her a girlfriend. It was also telling her that "Uh, why me?"

"You really can't remember last night?"

Charlie shakes her head, pausing for a moment to bite her lip, panicking and freaking out about a strange woman in her apartment wasn't helping anyone. Engaging was probably the best way to be rid of her. "No."

"No?" Santana looks confused for a minute before shaking her head. "You saved my life and even though you're a human, I decided to give you the greatest honor you could ever wish for."

Charlie looked around her trashed apartment and sighed. "Lucky me."

"I know, right?" Santana grins, glad that her concubine is embracing this so quickly. Her abuela always said that humans made fickle concubines, but it was nice to see she was wrong about this.

Charlie stares at Santana for a moment and looks around her apartment again, crossing her arms over her chest. When Santana smirks at her, she gives up on looking stern. "Look, I get it you're a big bad dragon, and I'm sure no one has ever told you _no_ or whatever, but you made a _mess_ of my apartment! You should at least clean up after yourself."

Santana blinked slowly at Charlie for a moment, before pointing at the empty paper bag. "I'm still hungry."

"Don't you have _treasure_ , go buy your own food." Charlie grumbles heading into the kitchen and dropping the rest of her groceries on her table. She grimaces at the smashed plates and heads to get a broom. "I mean you may be sexy _but_ —look at my apartment!"

Santana looks around with a proud smile. "I know, it looks better. I don't know why you hide every hint of your own horde."

"What horde? You know what—nevermind. I'll cook something but after that you've got to go. Seriously, I don't know what this is or if I've lost my mind but you need to go back to wherever you came from."

"What are you going to make me?" Santana asks eagerly, easily sidestepping any agreement to leave.

Charlie figures that isn't a battle worth fighting. Santana would probably leave on her own, she was after all just a figment of her overactive imagination.

~O~

"But—" Bela frowned. "You said you save mommy."

Charlie scratched her cheek. "I did, well according to your mother. I don't remember how I did it, maybe she'll tell you the story and then you can tell me. But, that's the _first_ day that I met your mother, and then you know the rest of the story. She stayed here for a few years before leaving." Charlie inhales, "Your mother was—"

Aiden however pitches forward immediately and tumbles off the couch, he doesn't seem to notice as he scrambles to his feet and immediately heads to her balcony. " _Mommy!_ Mommy!" He shouts holding his hands up.

Charlie blinked and tilted her head as the other kids tumbled off the couch and followed Aiden, she sighs and gets up walking towards her balcony before they could do some structural damage to her apartment. She pauses as she sees Santana sitting on her railing, waving at the little monsters—who looked ready to burn down the doorway to get to their mother. "Hold on let me open the door," she shouts moving to do so.

Santana saunters through the open door and the kids rush to her immediately. She's wearing a tight fitted cocktail dress that is completely impractical for the cold February air. But if she notices the cold, she pays it no mind. After cooing over the three little monsters, she stands and looks at Charlie with a sly smirk. "There's my favorite concubine."

"Nice of you to join us." Charlie crosses her arms over her chest. She's not sure why she's annoyed that Santana just dropped her kids off after being missing for _years_.

Santana, however, completely misses the passive-aggressive sarcasm. "Thank you. Now how were my little babies!" Santana asks. "Were you good?"

"Yeah!" Alex nods in agreement with her other siblings.

Santana flicks her eyes towards Charlie. "Were they?"

"I need a new couch," Charlie responds flatly, before pulling away and heading to the kitchen. Santana was leaving again and that was fine by her. She needed to just busy herself, and maybe look for a new fire and tear resistant couch.

Santana's orange eyes follow Charlie for a moment before she reaches down and pats Aiden on the head. "One moment, then we can go see your abuelo, and throw rocks at him while he sleeps." Santana grins as her children cheer and she quickly follows her concubine into the kitchen, watching as she begins to bring out some bowls and sugar. Baking. She was about to bake, it would be a real treat for their children and she _missed_ the sugary snacks. She grins as her tail moves forward and wraps around Charlie's waist. "You know—" Santana inhales wanting to recommit her scent to memory. But Charlie didn't smell like Charlie. She smelt like someone else. "Are you _cheating on me_!" Santana growls gripping Charlie's wrist and forcing the taller woman to look at her.


	3. Chapter 02

Santana losing her temper was nothing _new_ or surprising and Charlie can only frown slightly at the hand encircling her wrist. Even without looking at Santana's face, Charlie could already tell that Santana was losing control on her poorly controlled temper. Whenever she got like this, her glamor would twist revealing black scales. Charlie swallows and pulls her hand free, finally meeting Santana's gaze, aware that they had attracted an audience, but it didn't stop her annoyance from getting the better of her. "If I am?" she asks crossing her arms over her chest. For a moment, she can see the hurt and betrayal flit across Santana's face, causing her stomach to flip uncomfortably.

It was only for a moment, as a thick black smoke began to escape from Santana's mouth and nose as her anger bubbled up and spin out of control. "What's her _name_?" She clenches her fists tightly, feeling her claws digging into her and drawing blood. "I'll _burn her alive_! Bash her head against the rocks and then suck the marrow from her bones!" Santana snaps at Charlie, sparks flying out of her mouth as her tail thrashes wildly, crashing into Charlie's cupboards and splintering the wood.

Charlie rolled her eyes, "Don't be dramatic Santana. You aren't a giant, there will be no marrow-sucking." Charlie rolls her shoulders and looks over at the children who looked rather uneasy at the violence that their mother was showing. "What type of message are you sending to your children Santana?"

It's enough to get Santana to de-escalate for a moment before the fire reignites and she narrows her eyes at Charlie once more. "I'm teaching them to protect what's _theirs_." Santana snarls.

Charlie bit her lip resisting the urge to have a back and forth with Santana. "You're not going to be burning anyone alive. I'm not seeing anyone else. My body wash was discontinued, I needed to find a new one. I chose this one. If you were _here_ , you'd know that."

Santana blinks, and leans in to sniff Charlie once again, inhaling deeply. The urge to pull her concubine into a room and simply hold her nearly overwhelmed her. She glances up at Charlie who was staring at her, and she blows a small puff of smoke into her face, causing her to jump back. "I still don't like it."

Charlie waved away the smoke and shook her head, "Tough. There's not much I can do about it." She doesn't know why she is bothered by the fact that they were fighting in front of the three little monsters, who were currently dripping and drooling magma onto her kitchen tile. She grimaces, and looks up at Santana. "Why are you still here Santana? I thought you were doing a fly-by."

Santana blinks and shifts uncomfortably, she could finally feel the tension between the two of them. Even when they had first met, Charlie had _never_ been serious about her leaving. Sure, there had been a few close calls, but this time felt slightly different. "I did my fly-by," Santana informs her. "I needed to stretch my wings you know, and I thought that it'd be okay to bring them here. I mean they love you."

Charlie turned to look at the monsters and shivers when another drop of molten hot magma drops from Aiden's mouth and drops on the ground. They didn't even seem to notice that she existed they were currently so enamored with their mother. "Sure, they do. I mean—" Charlie shakes her head. She wasn't going to get involved, maybe if she ignored Santana she'd go away.

Santana; however, would _not_ be ignored, and her tail immediately brushes against Charlie's leg. Charlie jumps and turns to her an annoyed expression on her face. "You know, you should make cookies. They've never had any before and I think they'd like them."

"What's a cookie?" Alex asks moving to try and jump on his mother's tail, he immediately goes flying as the tail smacks him across the living room gently, causing him to tumble and slide on his butt a few feet back. He frowns at the limb and tries to pounce on it again only for the same thing to happen.

Santana tilted her head a huge smile on her face, "Only the best thing that you'll ever put in your mouth. I _promise_. My concubine makes the _best_ snacks." As far as she was concerned, this was a fact. She had _tried_ other people's baked goods, but they didn't taste like Charlie's baked goods.

Charlie frowns, slightly she had wanted to make herself some comfort food, Santana would leave and she'd be left with a trashed apartment. "Santana, I don't think—"

"I've changed my mind! Instead of throwing rocks at your abuelo, I'm going to teach you about all the amazing things the human world has to offer."

Charlie stared at Santana, this was not what they had agreed to. She was just supposed to watch the little monsters for an hour tops. There was no way she was going to get out of this without structural damage to her apartment. "Santana, if you remember I could barely afford to feed you, I can't feed all four of you—"

"We'll start by using the magic box!" Santana insists hurrying her kids back to the living room.

Charlie pinched the bridge of her nose, feeling a headache coming on. She had no idea why she had _missed_ Santana. "You mean the TV," Charlie corrected absentmindedly. Better to get this little experiment over with.

Santana spots the remote, that was relatively unscathed despite the burn marks and molten rock. She waves it around for her kids who immediately ooh and ahh, hanging onto every word that she's saying. Of course, Santana didn't mention that it took her nearly three weeks to master turning on the TV and flipping through the channels. She pushes the power button and the kids jump back when the television starts to make noise. "See, you get to watch whatever you want."

"Like what?"

Santana shrugged. "I liked the weird human shows, where they yelled at each other and threw chairs, and got into fights. I also liked the one—what's the show called, where the evil twin showed up, and they died and came back!"

"You mean every soap opera _ever_?" Charlie responded flatly. Santana had made her sit down and watch those awful television programs whenever she had a day off. She inhales, she was getting agitated and Santana had only been in the room for ten minutes. "Don't you think that stuff is a bit—" Charlie pauses for a moment looking at the children. "Over their heads?"

"They're short. Everything is over their heads," Santana points out.

"That's not what I—" Charlie groans, it was like Santana was doing it on purpose, and judging from the smug look on her face it was highly likely. She enters the living room and pulls the remote from Santana's hands and changes it to Cartoon Network, relaxing when she saw the Looney Tunes. "See, this is more age appropriate."

Santana tilts her head sitting down with her kids as a weird dog like creature chases after a bird. "Why's the dog chasing after the bird?"

"The Road Runner is dinner; the coyote wants to eat him. So, he's chasing after him." Charlie explains, deciding to leave Santana and the kids in front of the television. She'd make cookies and then Santana would leave with her kids back to her perfect little dragon life, with her weird dragon family.

"The coyote isn't a very good hunter." Bela notes with disdain.

"Not everyone can be a dragon." Santana explains, glancing at her two sons who begin to laugh at the antics on the television. It wasn't that impressive, and she wasn't quite sure why it was funny. She shakes her head, growing bored with the television show quickly and turns her head to find her concubine. Now that she stopped to think about it, Charlie had been acting odd. Her eyes flick back to her children for a moment, they all seemed entranced by the magical box, which meant she had a few minutes to see her concubine. "I'll be right back, _behave_ ," Santana shoots her children a look before heading towards the kitchen and leaning against the frame watching Charlie.

"Is there anything that they can't eat?" Charlie asks after a moment, even though it's been a few years she could still tell when Santana was watching her. She could feel it on her.

"Anything that they can't eat?" Santana echoes her brow furrowing.

"Allergic, are they allergic to anything?" Charlie asks, she still didn't know something about dragon physiology and even though she was irritated at Santana, she wasn't going to take it out on the three children.

"I don't know what that means," Santana says with a shrug. "They'll eat whatever I put in front of them."

Charlie opens her mouth to say something, and then shakes her head. "Fine, but so we're clear. I think it's a terrible idea to give children sugar."

Santana shrugs and glances around the apartment, "Well, if they burn the place down you can come live with me—"

"In your cave?" Charlie interrupts. "I'm not going to live in a cave with you Santana."

"But—"

"It doesn't have indoor plumbing or the internet, and I wouldn't be able to have guests over because you're paranoid about someone stealing some of your treasure." Charlie continues and turns to look at Santana. "You bit me when my foot accidentally touched a coin."

"I'm a _dragon_."

"I'm a human. You're lucky you didn't kill me," Charlie complains.

Santana scoffs, Charlie was being a child, it had been a _tiny_ nibble. There hadn't even been any blood, and she'd been in human form! She trusted her concubine implicitly but the fact remained that she was a dragon, she had just reacted. "You're upset with me."

Charlie turned to look at Santana for a moment before going back to carefully measuring out the chocolate chips. She studies it for a moment before deciding to add two more cups. "You've been gone for three years. You just _up_ and left!"

Santana blinked, she had thought that Charlie was irritated about the couch that her kids may have destroyed. "I was _pregnant_! I needed to be in dragon form and your apartment is _tiny_ and you won't move into my cave!"

"Santana, I'm a human. I need a certain level of comfort. I need a bathroom, I like having baths! I like being able to push a button on my phone and increase or decrease the temperature. I like being able to go on the internet and look up information or talk to my family. I am _not_ moving into a cave with you."

"Humans lived in caves—" Santana begins crossing her arms over her chest, smoke begin to escape from her mouth.

"And now we don't," Charlie interrupts again, as she began to spoon out the cookies onto a tray.

Santana frowned, staying in this form wasn't comfortable, but it was something that she did for Charlie. She was sure someone on the magic box had insisted that relationships were all about compromise. "I was _pregnant_ , I needed to be in my dragon form. I couldn't—" Santana puffs out some smoke and crosses her arms over her chest. "Why are you being like this? I thought you'd be _happy_ to see me and the kids. I wasn't gone for _that_ long."

Charlie bristled and threw the tray into the oven before turning on Santana. Any normal person would have stopped pushing, but Santana was a _dragon_. "You think I'm happy to see you?"

"Well _obviously,_ not at this moment." Santana responds shifting slightly, her tail swishing back and forth. Being with a human was trying sometimes. Charlie really just needed to spit it out.

"You _left_ for three years, to have _children_. You were _pregnant_ and I don't—" Charlie exhales, and tries to desperately reign in her temper and jealousy. She didn't want to scar Santana's children for life or fight in front of them. She didn't even know why she was getting so upset with Santana, from day one Santana had been clear about what she was. "I don't know why I'm angry. I'm just your concubine after all," Charlie frowns.

"Yes. You are," Santana agrees, before patting Charlie on the shoulder. "I missed you too," she smirks and leans in. "Want to see how much."

Charlie stumbled back and shook her head, "No, thanks. I don't want to be eaten by a dragon."

"You certainly didn't mind before," Santana grins her pupils dilating for a moment before she flicks her head towards the kids. "Oh, you're worried about them. Don't worry a quick—"

"No, I'm _worried_ about whoever their parent is," Charlie snaps at Santana, she shifts when Santana looks at her as if she's grown another head. "I don't want any weird dragon drama in my life. I get it I'm your concubine, which might be totally acceptable for you but that doesn't mean that everyone is okay with it. You get weirdly possessive with me, I can't imagine what your mate, or whatever would think to know you introduced your kids to your 'concubine.' I mean _come on_. You got upset just because I smelt _slightly_ different."

She had wondered about why Alex and Aiden seemed a bit slower than Bela, even though they were _technically_ triplets. It was _obviously_ Charlie's fault. It was a good thing she found this to be endearing. "You smell _completely_ different," Santana throws in absentmindedly. "Charlie, you're _my_ concubine," Santana says slowly and patiently.

Charlie pinched the bridge of her nose. "Yes, I get it, I'm your _other woman_. I get it. You don't need to rub it in or anything." She jumps when she feels the sting of Santana's tail on her ass and she glares at the shorter woman. "What was that for?" Santana forgot her own strength sometimes and that had _hurt_.

"You don't understand me, do you? You're my _concubine_ , there's only one of you and you are the most important person to me. I wouldn't have had your children otherwise, even if you _abandoned_ me while I was pregnant."

"I came home one day and you were _gone_! I didn't—wait what do you mean _my_ children?" Charlie demands. Santana _couldn't_ be serious.

Santana blinked slowly. This wasn't endearing anymore, she was worried about Charlie. It wasn't _normal_ to be this slow. "They, are your children," she repeats again as if she were talking to Aiden.

"Santana, I'm a _girl_. You're a _female_ dragon. I mean I assume—" Charlie's rewarded with a face full of smoke and she coughs and waves away the smoke. "My _point_ is, I don't have the equipment to get you pregnant and even if I did, _you're a dragon_! Biology doesn't work that way!" Charlie frowned when Santana shot her a flat look and she crossed her arms over her chest. "Don't you _dare_ say it—"

" _Magic_." Santana explains. "You've _seen_ me as a dragon, I wouldn't be able to fit into your apartment, if it weren't for magic," Santana shakes her head. She was sure she had explained this to Charlie before.

"Magic—Santana there has to be _rules_! You can't just wave your hand and make babies. That's not how it works."

"I know that's not how it works. We had _sex_." Santana blinks and then her brow furrows. "You don't remember do you?"

"Remember what?" Charlie demands. She remembered plenty of times that she and Santana had sex, it usually ended up with her passed out and her legs unable to support her weight for a few hours.

Santana crinkled her nose, now that she thought about it. Charlie had _smelled_ pretty badly that night, just like the first night and she had been back super late. Santana shook her head, "You came back from spending time with your sister, and then demanded to be in charge. That I didn't get to have my way with you just because I was a _dragon_. So, you had your way with me, there may have been magic involved." Santana shrugged. Charlie's memory would probably be a lot better if she didn't spend time with all her human friends, after work.

Charlie blinked, she wasn't even going to try and remember that night. Any time she met up with her friends generally lead to blank spots in her memory. "What magic was involved?"

Santana shrugged, "Well, if we're going by human standards, you fathered the children."

Charlie stared at Santana, that wasn't _possible_. She had never thought she'd be the one to have children _accidentally_ of all things. She never thought that it was even possible to get Santana pregnant but she insisted that the monsters were her flesh and blood. They didn't even _look_ like her. "I don't—"

"It wasn't even particularly good sex, it didn't take you _that_ long. Then you just fell asleep, I thought about incinerating you for a good hour. So, I went for a flight to calm down, and I couldn't turn back. That's when I knew that I was pregnant." Santana explained.

"I—" Charlie stared at Santana she couldn't believe it. She had _children_ , running about. She was a parent. Those were _her_ kids, and even though she hadn't fainted when Santana had shown up at her doorstep the first time, or the various other odd things that Santana had done that would melt the mind of a lesser person, this was just a bit _to_ overwhelming for her and she promptly _fainted._


	4. Chapter 03

**AN: This is the last chapter, these are supposed to be short little insights into their life, it's not one long story but there will be other fics in this little universe. So don't worry about it.**

* * *

"Hi!"

Charlie's eyes snapped open and she stared at the little monster smiling at her, his teeth covered in chocolate, as he waved his hands at her from where he was sitting. She wasn't exactly proud that her _immediate_ reaction was to retreat as far away as possible. "Uh— _hi_?" Aiden, she was sure this was Aiden—who was getting chocolate all over her sheets. Her brow twitches. "What are you doing here?"

Aiden stares at her before sliding off the bed and stumbling out of the bedroom. "Mommy!" He calls out looking for his mother.

Charlie watches and winces when he trips and falls flat on his face, but he quickly gets back up. Maybe she should—she wasn't quite sure what to do. She was supposed to _feel_ something. "Do you need some—" Charlie begins only to have Santana walk into her room scooping him up with her tail as she munches on the cookies that she had made.

"You're alive! Good the kids were worried that you might be dead. They wanted to eat you, I had to inform them that humans really weren't that tasty." Santana glances back at Aiden who was struggling to escape the firm grasp her tail had him in.

Charlie glanced at Aiden for a moment before looking back at Santana, horror evident on her face. "You're joking, right?"

"Well you're _not_ , you've got way too many bones, not enough fat—I mean you're all _tiny_ , very gamy meat. I _suppose_ , that to the kids you're the _right_ size, but I don't want them eating junk food. Let's not get them started on bad habits."

"I—"

"Mommy! I wanna go!" Aiden shouts.

Santana frowns slightly before dropping him, "Don't _burn_ anything or you're going right back to timeout. No biting your brother and sister either," she adds after a moment. She watches as he scrambles to his feet and goes to find his siblings. "Triplets are hard to deal with, I have a respect for your mother. She raised two of you. Aiden likes to bite people when he doesn't get his own way. It's a good thing his bite isn't poisonous."

"What?"

"His bite isn't poisonous," Santana repeats as if it were obvious.

"I just— _what?"_ Charlie sputtered.

Santana sighs, blowing smoke into the air. They had been through this before, when Charlie had spent _days_ pretending that she was simply a figment of her overactive imagination. She _knew_ Charlie, she wasn't _that_ creative. "I think they like you. They loved the cookies and they want you to make more—but I told them only if they're good. That's the only time I get cookies, I don't care if you think they're _adorable_. They're not allowed to get cookies if _I don't_ get cookies." Santana studies Charlie for a moment, she hadn't said anything back, but her mouth was just hanging open. It wasn't a very _attractive_ look for her concubine. "Charlie?"

Charlie could feel her lips moving but nothing was coming out of her mouth. She wasn't exactly sure what to say or how she even felt. Maybe she just needed to start talking and everything would simply fall into place. "Nope."

"Nope?" Santana questioned deciding to take a seat on the bed beside Charlie. "What do you mean?"

"Just— _nope_. This is all a very weird dream," Charlie nods and pulls on her blanket so she can try and go back to sleep.

Santana sighed watching as Charlie tried to wrap herself up in her blanket. She shakes her head and yanks the blanket off Charlie. "We've already done this."

"No, we didn't! You were a dragon, I had just woken up from the hangover from hell and I thought that I was _still_ drunk. I woke up this morning believing that dragons were real and that _you_ had kids, with _another_ dragon because you know _biology_. I mean for fucks sake you're a _dragon_! A dragon. I like sleeping with a _dragon._ Oh god, PETA is going to start protesting outside my house! I mean when I was a kid my parents used to drag us to church and we heard it, the slippery slope argument. Well look like they were right! If a girl can be with a girl, why can't they be with a damn dragon?"

"You do realize that I am a sentient being and I've been alive longer than you have," Santana responds flatly. She could consent, she did understand _that_ part of being human. She could communicate her wants and desires far better than any regular human could.

"But that didn't stop me!" Charlie runs a hand through her hair nervously. Completely ignoring what Santana suggested. "I missed you and I was jealous that you had your own little weird monster family! I mean what could you ever see in a human, I don't understand your dragon culture. I don't laugh at your jokes because I'm never sure if you're _serious_ or not. I told myself it was better if you and your dragon lover—" Charlie inhales and looks at Santana. "I missed you, even though you are the _worst_ roommate ever."

Santana blinks slowly, studying Charlie for a moment before smiling. "I missed you too, especially your cooking." Santana nods, there were a lot of things that Charlie did for her, and she had missed her concubine greatly. "Other dragons are _boring_ or _crazy_. I much prefer you as a concubine."

"But missing you—I didn't _think_ or know that I had _kids_ Santana! You can't just _spring_ it on me that we have children! Why didn't you tell me? You had a phone! I got you a phone—"

"Oh. Bela ate it," Santana shrugs. "It was an accident."

"Which part, the not telling me that I was going to be a _parent_ part? Or the fact that Bela, who apparently is my long-lost daughter, _ingested_ a phone?"

Santana huffed, she didn't really _want_ to talk to Charlie about this, she wanted Charlie to do that thing that she loved. It had been _years_ , this was a silly conversation. "The latter. Also, she isn't your long-lost daughter, she was never _lost_. She was with me. In regards to the former, it's _not_ my fault. I was _stuck_ in my dragon form. You have made it abundantly clear that you refuse to move into my cave with me! Besides, it's not as if you could have been around them till now. They were _baby_ dragons Charlie. They would have eaten you."

"I— _what?_ "

"So, can we just get over the whole act where you pretend this is all some dream? You are _mine_ and it has been far too long since I—"

"That's not _my_ fault." Charlie frowned. "Do they know that I'm their—mother?"

"No. I'm their mother, I'm sure they understand that you're the father." Santana rolls her eyes, Charlie hadn't been stuck as a dragon and been miserable and all alone in a cold dark cave with only her gold to keep her company.

"I'm a—whatever, are you sure that they _know_? They don't exactly have a great opinion on humans."

"Why wouldn't they know? I talk about you _all the time_ ," Santana shakes her head. Of course, her children knew they were intelligent and far more capable than other dragons their age.

"So, you _told_ them that I'm more than just your concubine?" Charlie blinked Santana had never admitted anything of the sort before maybe there was still—

Santana sighed, there were other things she would rather be doing than discussing their children. Bela was a little know-it-all, Aiden liked to bite people, Alexander wasn't that bright. Talking about them could _wait_ until after she and Charlie had gotten reacquainted. "Fine, follow me. But once they tell you that you're their father, then we're going straight back to your room and you're going to get _naked_."

Charlie shook her head, she wasn't in the mood to have sex with Santana, she had just found out that she had children. It was true that children were the greatest libido killers there were. "We'll see, I—don't think I made that great of an impression." Charlie slides out of bed and follows Santana, "You know Bela—she knows when I'm lying and stuff."

"It's annoying isn't it," Santana sighed. "Of all the things, she could have taken from me, that has to be the most irritating ability ever. Now I can see why you got so annoyed when _I did it_." Santana smiled when she saw her kids just sitting and staring at the magic box. They were making her look good, this was the best thing ever.

Charlie shuffles awkwardly behind Santana who steps in between the little monsters and the TV.

"Mommy, _move_." Alexander grumbles.

Santana arches her brow. Yeah, Alex definitely wasn't the smartest. "Pay attention or I'll turn it off." All three hellions sit up straighter and focus on their mother. "Who is this?" She points at Charlie expecting this issue to be finally put to rest.

"She's your concubine." Bela shrugs.

"She's the cookie maker." Aiden adds.

Charlie swallowed, feeling the lump in her throat. She definitely didn't want kids. She had never wanted kids. So why did she feel gutted at the idea that her own children have know idea who she is. "You talked about me all the time huh?" She couldn't even help the hurt that seemed to seep into her voice.

Santana winced, she had never said that her children were the brightest, but she _needed_ to nip this in the bud before Charlie _actually_ got upset. "Well yes, she's _my_ concubine and that makes her very important to me," Santana nods. "But she's also super important to you. Do you know why?" When her kids just stare at her she shakes her head. "She's your _father_."

Bela turns to look at Charlie and shakes her head. "Nu-uh. She's a _human_. She smells funny."

"Also, she's a _girl_ , girls can't be daddy's," Alexander insists narrowing his eyes at Charlie.

"Tell me about it," Charlie muttered under her breath. "If it makes you all feel better I didn't know that either."

Bela glanced at her mother, "We're _dragon's_ mommy," she states as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

"You're half-human, half-dragon. I mean the dragon part sort of burns out _most_ of the human part, so really it's like three quarters dragon, and one quarter human but—she's your father, there was magic involved, and alcohol and rather terrible—"

"Santana," Charlie hissed, the kids didn't need to know about _that_.

Santana turned to her concubine and rolls her eyes, why were humans so odd about sex. It was a completely natural thing. "Right so she's your _father_."

Alex frowned and stared at Charlie for a moment, "Can she breathe _fire_?"

"No."

"Fly?"

"No," Santana shrugged. "She's _human_ they don't _really_ do much, and they're very _delicate_. So, you have to be very careful around her because if you hurt her. I'll be forced to eat you," Santana informed her children.

"Eat—you never told me that dragons were _cannibalistic_!" Charlie hisses. "You can't eat our children."

Santana frowned and looked at Charlie, "Of course I can Charlie. I know that you're new to this but you can't spoil them. Next thing you know they'll be trying to kill you to take your horde. You need to be firm and put them in their place."

"They are _children_."

"They're dragon children," Santana reminds her and narrows her eyes at her children. "We're raising dragons that means that if they try and steal your horde then you need to—"

"Santana. They are children they don't know any better," Charlie huffed and looked at the three monsters in front of her. Charlie Fabray, the _father_ of dragons. The epithet sounded ridiculous in her head but she wasn't going to let Santana eat their children. She didn't even _know_ them.

Bela looked at her brothers for a moment before looking at Charlie curiously for a moment. She slowly smiles and pushes herself up and heads toward Charlie pulling on her pant leg. "Can we have more cookies? Mommy ate them all."

"Oh. Of course," Charlie nods biting her lip. "Would you like to help me make them?"

Bela glanced at her mother for a moment who looked positively annoyed and grinned at Charlie. "Yeah."

Santana's jaw dropped, as she watched Charlie take Bela's hand and lead her to the kitchen. "You little—"

" _Santana_." Charlie snapped at her turning her head and frowning.

"We're supposed to be _having sex_!"

"I just found out that I have children, because _someone_ didn't think it was important," Charlie snaps back. Like hell she was going to sleep with Santana after this bombshell. "So, I want to get to know my daughter, and maybe Bela wants to get to know me. Since you couldn't be bothered to explain to the kids that I'm their other parent."

Bela's devious smirk only grows bigger as she latches onto to Charlie's leg.

"She just wants cookies and to piss me off!" Santana points to Bela.

Charlie rolls her eyes, "You're the one that wants to eat your children. Of course, they want to spend time with me. I'm not going to eat them if they mess up. Alexander and Aiden, would you like more cookies as well, let me show you how to make them."

Santana rounds on her other two children quickly, "Don't you _dare_!"

"I want more cookies!" Aiden shouts jumping up and ignoring his mother and running over to Charlie, holding his arms up because he wanted to be held.

"Me too. It was really good," Alexander adds after a moment, deciding to follow his siblings.

Santana huffed for a moment staring at the empty space where her kids had been, before deciding to follow them. She leans against the frame and watches as Charlie places Aiden on the counter, keeping a firm hand on him as she pulls out clean measuring cups and bowls. She had missed this, despite her protests. She had missed her concubine, and perhaps her parents were wrong. This was where her children belonged. "Make the oatmeal ones," she suggests after a moment.

"Oatmeal?" Bela echoes.

"Yeah, there are like a _million_ types of cookies, and my concubine can make them _all_." Santana insists proudly.

Charlie sighed, "I can't actually make them all," she informs Bela. "But I'll make you oatmeal cookies to take home. Don't share any with your mother."

Bela laughed at this, hiccupping as a puff of smoke hit Charlie's face. "Okay."

Santana scowled at this, "What did I say earlier?" She whines her tail swishing around in an irritated fashion.

"I dunno," Alex responds and smiles up at his mother.

"The same rule still applies Santana, you only get cookies when you're good. I don't care if you moved out ages ago. You never told me that I had kids, all I knew was that you _had_ kids. They didn't even know that I was their parent, or that they're half human."

"More like an eighth," Santana mutters under her breath. "And I told you, there was no point you wouldn't have moved into my cave!"

"No. I wouldn't have. But I could have _easily_ have moved into one of those RV's until a house could have been built near your cave. You never gave me the chance, you just wanted me to move into your damn cave," Charlie insists pausing for a moment. She _liked_ her tiny apartment. She liked having her own space, but now she had kids and obviously sacrifices needed to be made. She didn't trust Santana not to eat their children.

"RV?" Santana questions.

"It's like a house on wheels." Charlie explained. "I can drive it anywhere I want. You'd have to—" Charlie winced when Santana grabbed her and pulled her towards her. "Santana! What have I said about grabbing?"

"Why didn't you—"

"Because it's not a permanent solution for me, I can spend a few months but I'm not going to live the rest of my life in an RV," Charlie explains with a huff. "It's expensive, and cramped. But I would have done it if you had bothered to explain to me that you were pregnant."

Santana's eyes dilated for a moment before grinning at Charlie. "Forget the cookies we're going to get an RV! Then you can move by my cave and then I won't miss you! Come along, we're going to go RV shopping!"

"Santana—"

"What's an RV?" Aiden asked as his mom picked him up.

"I don't know but it means that my concubine can live by the cave," Santana explained. "Plus, I'll get to show you the human world!"

"Santana—"

"Really?" Bela asked.

"Yeah, they make the best burgers, we'll get some. Plus, we'll go burn down your Aunt Quinn's place. She's a—"

"Santana! Quinn's my _sister!_ "

"So? I don't like her."

 **"** **You don't like her because you thought it would be a good idea to proposition her in front of me," Charlie muttered shaking her head. She wasn't quite sure what Quinn or Frannie would say about this situation. Frannie didn't even know that Santana was a dragon. What would her parents say? She had the sneaking suspicion that she was fucked no matter what.**


End file.
